Drowning in Black

Drowning In Black Nicholas P Mosher

The night was comfortably dank, darkness took over in all directions as she stood silently, clutching herself for protection from the chilling breeze. She was alone, even the night birds seemed to feel it was necessary to abide for her and held their songs until the morning light would come to break the darkness.

As she stood motionless, she peered up at the sky with a look of complete despair. Numerous stars poked through the atmosphere which was a shade of black darker than any color or shade known to man. She would often come to this very spot to look about in an attempt to count the stars one by one, however she would always lose count due to the sheer numbers surrounding her, but that never stopped her from trying. She felt the only thing on this planet that could measure up to the blackness of the night sky was her life and all that came with it. That is why she continuously came back out to the night, for the hope that she too can be just as dark, but still carry on to bring the stars the shelter they so desperately need.
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There was nobody in her life, her father had left as soon as he was given a chance leaving her mother to deal with the burden of raising a child all on her own. Her mother's name was Hope, and she admired her mom for the torment she went through all for her, but she always blamed herself for her mother's pain. If she never came to be, her mother never would have lost the love of her life and wouldn't have had to work sixty hours a week nonstop, all to support a little girl who never asked to be here. It was too much for her and on this very day, fifteen years ago her mother committed suicide leaving a sixteen year old girl to fend for herself and carry the pain all on her own.

She wasn't always this torn up, at the age of twenty two she met a boy, by the name of Johnathon that somehow made all of her sorrows disappear. He was tall and had dark brown hair that was constantly falling down over his eyes, which were also a dark shade of brown that in a quick glance seemed to appear black. He was everything she dreamed of, caring, handsome and he loved the night almost as much as she did. They dated for three years until he proposed, promising a long fulfilling life with him by her side and without a doubt she said yes. Life seemed to be complete at that point, they both had decent paying jobs that provided them with enough income to buy a house with the hope to begin a family and rebuild over the ruins of a broken childhood.
After the first year of living in their wonderful new Victorian style home, it was time to have a child to love and to raise, so they began to try. They struggled to get pregnant, attempting on a regular basis, whether she was ovulating or not and for an entire year nothing happened. They decide together to both get tested, the results found she was the problem and most likely would never have the opportunity to have a child of her own. Despite the doctor's findings, they kept trying and on June 5 she became pregnant with their first child. The joy had returned and they did everything in that short nine months to ensure that baby would be as happy and healthy as humanly possible. Unfortunately that was not the case, the child didn't stand a chance and was born still before she could even have her first breath.

Once again it was that time of the year, the anniversary of her mother's death and sadness loomed over her adding to the stress of a baby born with no life. She was irritable and pushed the love of her life away, which he normally understood this time of year, but this time he just couldn't take it, he needing some attention, he lost a child too. Johnathon went for a long drive through the dark back roads and never came back, leaving her alone in the empty house that longed to be full.
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The silence was comforting, it eased her into feeling everything would be alright, but deep down she knew life would never be the same. As she peered at the dark starlit sky she said to herself, “He'll come back, he loves me and promised me a long fulfilling life with him by her side, John wouldn't lie to me.” It was five years to this day that he left and never came back.

She stood on the balcony of the empty house that longed to be full and took a moment to stop counting the stars, pausing to take a deep breath that seemed to hurt as she sucked in. She took a step forward and thought of her father who never had the decency to stay with her mother or to at least make some effort to contact her as a child. She stepped forward again, cherishing her mother and all she sacrificed to create a life for her, but not having enough strength to save herself. Once again, she took another step, holding back tears for her fallen partner who died in a late night car crash at a moment they desperately needed each other. After that she took one final step, wishing for her child whom she had never got the opportunity to meet and at that time she fell fifteen feet down until her fall was cut short by the noose wrapped tightly around her neck. Quickly life faded away and she was faced with the dark black color she so highly adored, able to finally have a break, leaving behind no one on this earth to mourn her loss.


RIP Skylar Thomson
Born February 5, 1975
Died April 23, 2009

Story © 2015 Nicholas Mosher
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